Broken words

At times I look back and completely regret,
the pain I took, the pain I gave.

At times I look back and completely rejoice,
the promises I took, the decisions I made.

He was the strength, he made me move on
the guilt I had, the justifications I made.

I was born with the result in my mind,
though whatever I did, I never mined.

I enjoyed the memories of being a restricted kid
I hated too must trust & freedom imposed.

The dreams once saw, were never seen again,
The unexpected made me follow and bargain.
Was I wrong?
Frankly, I don’t know….

I followed the heart, which took me to this depth
I want to grow, but with the same pace.
I want to learn, but with the same mistakes,

The carry forward nature of your deeds,
makes me reserve my needs.

The call for lined up questions,
and those situationistic answers

Leading to a dead end
and may be a marginal equation.


…………………………………………………….

Journey to Italy

This was my first trip alone abroad, and especially to a country where I am not acquainted to their national language. New people to know, new culture to familiarize with, new food to taste, new places to see, it was over all a challenge indeed. All I had in mind is to explore!!

All this started from the huge Mumbai International airport, were I met the first stranger of my trip who was from Iran. Hmmm..I am bad in recalling names & especially of foreigners. Even he took a while to pronounce my long name.
As he visited India for the first time; he showed me few of his pictures in front of the Taj Hotel. He was a civil engineer by profession. We talked about the expensive cup of coffee he just got than, the ‘mehndi’ (temporary heena tattoo) on my hand, about my journey and so on.
I am sorry my general knowledge is pathetic and so when he was talking about the world map and few places, I seemed to be blank. In fact I had a different picture of Iran, juggling it with Iraq. Our conversation broke with the interruption of his friend, who seemed to be enquiring about the flight. And that is when I realized that I was sitting in the wrong lobby as per my flight, and so I left. It was an abrupt ending.

Getting seated to the right place, I gotta know that my flight was delayed. I was busy observing & listening other’s conversation that were entirely different in backgrounds from each other as I assumed.

Further just roaming about to check the luxurious duty free shopping area, coffee shops & eateries. The separation of business class & economic class was so clearly felt.

While checking in, all I prayed is for a good partner to chat for my long journey, but unfortunately the opposite happened. Nevertheless I reached Istanbul (Turkey), and went gaga seeing the airport. Although I was literally running to catch my continuing flight, which was about to take off. And on my way I met an old friend from Bhopal whom I last met in School. Coincidences happen.

Alright! This time my partners couldn’t speak or understand English, the news papers were too not in English and so being numb was the only alternative. I started feeling the place. The Wine & Pasta in the menu card added the flavor.

When I was about to reach, the map of that island from that height was so beautiful to observe.

On reaching Venice, I waited long for my luggage and that is when an Indian approached me. Frankly I was in no mood to talk. I actually wanted to help myself. So I left.

I saw my friends waiting for me and felt relaxed. I lodged a complaint about my lost luggage which I got back in a day.

Everything was fresh for me, the roads, the traffic, in fact even the pets there, which I found way civilized than here. To be more precise the outer picture of that place to me was blank, where I heard no honks, no kids crying, no dogs barking, no one yelling…..way to extreme peace for me!

As per my motive to learn, find, observe & adopt, there were many things to ponder over. The passion to follow your heart, the beauty of love and romance in air, the genuine matured commitments in a relationship & the depth which could be seen in youngster's knowledge as well as in a fit aged was simply incredible. The welcoming smile with an icing of politeness, erased the barrier of language.

And all this made me way too far guilty as a 23 year old adult.

Honestly I learnt to live.

Ganpati Visarjan

This was the first time, when I went for the Ganpati Visarjan at the lake in Bhopal.
The enjoyment, vibrant colors, thrilled people dancing & shouting slogans on the roads with great spirits was exciting to see.The religious mood in the environment was beautifully felt at night. Every age group was equally thrilled & involved with all sizes of Ganpati idols to be immersed in the small lake.

Last year in Mumbai, I couldn’t dare to step out of the house on this occasion.
But there were many jingles heard on radio, we made a documentary & several NGO’s were working to promote eco friendly Ganpati. Also with municipal corporation’s efforts artificial ponds were built for the immersion.

Everything till last year was bookish for me to pictureize the water pollution, may be because I never saw the procedure.
This year with comparatively less crowed on that spot (Swine flu being one reason) the garbage seen was insane. For a moment I lost that image of the beautiful Bhopal. With so much being advertised about the alternatives to celebrate this occasion, year after year it remains the same.I lost that charm of festivity seeing this scenario, were the Ganpati’s idol was thrown from a height.

It isn’t about anything else but respect. Respect for your culture & respect of your city.Unfortunately both of the important aspects were missing.

B.R.T.S.- a report

P. Sainath

Its two months since now, that my schedule is extremely laid back. (All play and no work makes for a poor life!)It was roughly four in the afternoon when I went through the local pages of Hindustan Times and my eye caught a known black & white picture which was of my senior lecturer in Social Communications Media dept. of Sophia Polytechnic Mumbai. A person I truly admired. The first two lines gave me this conformation that he was in town, and I couldn’t read the rest out of excitement. I quickly messaged him enquiring about his visit. My mind completely diverted towards my cell phone which I kept checking in every other minute. Maybe he is busy, maybe he has left, and this thought occupied me for long.
Until I went to pick my mummy from her art classes and I was suppose to wait there for 15 minutes. Suddenly I thought maybe he hasn’t read my text, so I finally gathered courage to give a call and as expected he didn’t picked up. In a moment my cell flashed and it was his call- P. Sainath. My heartbeat skipped seeing his name on my screen. I quickly picked and introduced myself and also my willingness to meet him in my city. Unfortunately he was at the ‘Raja Bhoj Airport’ Bhopal. I was late. With great disappointment I kept the phone down, and continued waiting in the car. In a split second I got a call back again from him conforming whether the airport authority here allows meeting in the lobby after checking in as the flight is at 8pm & it was already past 6. I wasn’t sure though, but I wanted to make a try. In fact how could I afford to miss!

Leaving my mom uninformed, cancelling my plans with friends on phone for the weekend while driving, and with no money and empty fuel tank I just planned to rush. Although Bhopal is a small city, but Airport from my place is at the extreme opposite corner. While I was driving several thoughts engaged my brain. Will I be able to meet, will he recognize me? I recalled the 1st & the last time I spoke to him. I remembered the bench were I sat on the 1st day of my college and it was scrabbled- “Sainath Rocks”. I remembered the 1st time I questioned him in the class- “Isn’t Media so much biased nowadays?” , I remembered cancelling my reservation to my home town just because of the sudden scheduling of his lecture in those days. And most importantly on the last second day of my pre board examinations, as soon as I came out of my class, few of my class mates passed me this message that Nirmita Mam is looking for me. As such I have a very clean record and less interaction with teachers. I was confused and I was looking for her. She passed me this message that Sainath wants to speak to you regarding your internship, text him before you call.
Apart from the usual excitement, the thought that he remembered (He is a busy man), his concern took me to a different level altogether. The conversation I had with him that day was something I dreamed of. There was a lot of noise in the corridor and I was listening him with a lot of effort and tearful eyes, my voice choked in the end & I still don’t know why. My friends thought it was a call from home and neither could I explain anything to them. This whole thing reminded me of what I called artificial reality shows. Where a performer cries in front of the judge and I find it extremely funny. That day I really felt from my heart what the relationship with a mentor is. I could recall every word of that conversation today.

And with these thoughts I didn’t even realized that I was fast enough to reach at the airport, were the parking guy was asking me for change and I was fighting with him to fund me with just 10 minutes. I ran in my chappal & uncombed hair, which the security found strange, & the next obstacle was of the entry fee. At last I could see Sainath waiting. With so many thoughts & goose bums I got speechless seeing him & started pinching myself. My mom kept calling me but I was lost. The conversation started and soon ended with fatherly advises. Those 10 minutes seemed countless seconds to me.

Though he asked me to call him by his name, but I can never call my father so.
I am blessed.

Naxal movement in India

Naxalite or Naxalism is an informal name given to communist groups that are now active in more than 8 states of India striving to establish a ‘red’ corridor through an armed revolution.

It is said that the naxal movement originated from a small village in West Bengal, Naxalbari when the local peasants under the leadership of Charu Majumdar and Kanu Sanyal who led a violent uprising in May 25, 1967,after local peasants were attacked by landlords over land dispute. What started as a local level movement soon spread into a call of revolution to overthrow the government and upper classes whom the protestors held responsible for their plight.

Fourty two years later, the naxalites have established their presence in more than 36 percent of India's geographical area comprising roughly 90,000 square kilometers. More than 20,000 insurgents are currently in operation, and they have been termed as the most serious threat to India's national security by Prime Minister Manohan Singh. The government in the current budget increased the allocated funding on internal security from Rs 17,674 crore to Rs 21,715 crore.

At present their presence can be seen in the states of Chhattisgarh, Orissa, Andhra Pradesh, Maharashtra, Jharkhand, Bihar, Uttar Pradesh, and West Bengal.

The red bastion that they have managed to establish in states like Chhattisgarh and Andhra Pradesh stands testimony to the kind of violence they propagate.

Chhattisgarh is at present the worst hit by Maoist activities. The affected area is Bastar in southern Chhattisgarh, comprising five districts. Kanker (northern Bastar), Bastar (Jagdalpur), Dantewada (southern Bastar), Bijapur and Narayanpur combined together add to 39,000 sq km, a area that is little larger than Kerala and a little smaller than Haryana.

What is the reason behind the growing force of Naxalism? We need to go the roots of the problem to understand why rural youth are joining the movement, a movement which has well lived past its age.

Naxalites are composed primarily of youths, and its through these youths that they carry out their violent operations and illegal activities. Isn’t it important to look into the issue that why the youths, particularly the tribals join naxalites outfit? After all the life of a naxal is not a bed of rose.

Naxals unlike the Islamic terrorist don’t follow or fight for the purpose of any particular religion. It is totally different from the present Kashmir problem or the former Punjab trouble. It should not be looked as terrorist problem, but as a socio economic problem.

No employment, increasing poverty, government machinery which has failed, failed to deliver even the basic amenities; and machinery in which everything comes for a cost, laws which prohibit them from using their own resources, all these factors have contributed towards changing the mind and transforming a common youth to feared naxalites.

The pathetic and callous attitude of the successive state government in various states towards the development of backward areas has contributed in no small way in the spread of the naxal movement.

The youths seeing no hope of improving socio economic condition are delineated from the mainstream society. They are disenchanted and share a feeling of discontent against the society, a society which is nothing but the creation of the state.

It is a false general impression that the illiterate mind of the rural-tribal youth is easily susceptible towards adopting a lifestyle of a naxalites. All naxalites are not illiterate. It has been observed that many of the members of the “Dalam” (a group of naxalites operating in a particular area), are very ably educated, some even have completed their graduation. The core members of the Dalam have been found to highly qualified. Why blame them instead of blaming a system which doesn’t give the opportunity to utilize the education that they have been imparted?

Naxals like any Indian citizen are part of the same country in which we live. They are not foreigners but they too have evolved from the same civilization from which we have evolved. So why view them differently?

The roots of this problem are in the bleak socio-economic conditions of our country, especially the deep rural areas which have been neglected, and have seen either no or very little developmental activity. Development of not only the naxal infested area but the other interior remote part of the country should be given its due attention.

The answer to eradicating this menace does not lie in the brutal use of force but a strategy that is based on pushing the agenda of socio-economic development in the rural and remote areas. Generating employment opportunity, which is resented by the naxals, will go a long way in dissuading more young legs in joining the movement.

Perhaps then only this age old problem will gradually disappear as it once appeared. Till this happens the slogan “Lal Salam” will continue to inspire fear even in the strongest of the hearts.
There is no shortage of Security personnel’s, innocent villagers, and disoriented youth in this huge country, but letting them die for a cause which is not justified, either ethically, morally, politically or economically is not acceptable.

Just a shout away!

A month after my course is done, I have ample of time to sleep, argue, observe & think. I could easily observe the hierarchal change in my existence, and this was more prominent after seeing my teenage cousins stepping into colleges, seeing youngsters in news every now and then and moreover realizing the fact that I have crossed my student life and things no more seems the same.

It use to sicken me to hear our elders saying- “Humaare zamaane main to”…..But now time runs even more fast watching the impatient, aggressive, and non emotional generation that leaves me a step behind. Always. Is it good or bad? That’s still something i have not yet worked out.

Recently i met my former college professor after a long time and she said- “Your batch was the last batch we miss and remember, now days that attachment is missing”.

Things were and are nearly same except the revolting nature. Dissent against heavy bags; revolt against stress which results in suicides and further decision of scrapping 10th boards, Shout against strict teachers, Shout against wearing veil and having beard in schools, shout against violent video games…Shout for just everything.

The question is that schools were never meant to pamper but to make you disciplined and to enhance uniformity.

To aim for reality shows and opt for short cuts, to exploit your childhood and die without technology. Is this mutiny such a young strong ego that can make you leave your home, divorce, switch your job or kill anyone at any clash or change in atmosphere?

Has adjustments lost its era, its importance?

And within all this, the shout for justice has faded its geniality and has provoked selfishness. And unfortunately everything is justified too.

Maybe O'Brien was right when he wrote...

Do You Remember?
Jennifer O'Brien

Do you remember when life was a game
Do you remember when all we wanted
was fame
Do you remember making mud pies
Do you remember telling little white lies
Do you remember playing dress up
With all your older sisters make-up
Do you remember being afraid of the dark
Do you remember the adventures
On which you used to embark
Do you remember when you hated boys
Do you remember having all those toys
Do you remember your first bike
Do you remember what being a kid was like
Do you remember?

Firaq

“Saat Suron main itnee Taakat Kahaan, jo inki nafrat se lad sakein”

I not only watched this movie because it won several awards or it was of my interest but moreover because it was directed by Nandita Das.

The movie is based on Gujarat riots. The unfortunate yet true post Gaodhra genocide is portrayed in a very decent manner through two isolated segments of good/bad Muslims & good/bad Hindu. It focuses not on showing violence but more of emotions and one’s psychology at a given point of time.

The movie starts on a slow note , but gains pace as it depicts mixed emotions of fear, hatred, anger, suffocation, disparity, revenge, aloofness, concern, curiosity and above all the pain of alienation from your own country.

The blank face of a lost orphan child touched me deep. I felt the confusion surrounding Sanjay Suri and was by the depth of Nazruddin Shah’s musical score that made everything appear meaningful.

In February 2002, I was in the same country, in fact adjacent to the victim state. Chilling my teenage with the excitement of Valentine’s Day, in my very own world. And today I get goose flesh not because I get to know all this, but to realize how emotions have died, how humanization hardly exists.

Nothing has though changed much; an old Narendra Modi is replaced by a young Varun Gandhi.

It’s strange & in fact suffocating to see criminals as leaders of our nation, proudly taking pledge and appealing for “say no to criminals in politics”, & we being too fond of their progress stories.

We have seen a surge in demands for implementing the provisions of 49 O in our election voting procedure. But i fail to understand that why do we need to demand an option as “none of the above” in our voting ballet?

Than what is the use of being a part of the democratic structure, which can’t provide us with a set of true nation leaders from a lot of one of the world’s most populated countries!

Definitely we have come too far.

The not so Big Picture

It has been quite a many days now watching the election bulletin on news channels, segregated columns in journals, proving this being the biggest elections so far.For me this one is the second election, I’d be chasing and the improvement can certainly been seen on the following grounds-

Film stars have now sorted a back up profession, once they realize they are old enough to take it and can have black & white multiple accounts.
(Sanjay Dutt’s recent “Dutt yatra” sawaari took 3 crores for decoration)

Politicians like Raj Thackrey are enrolling themselves for voice modulation & oratory skill classes, after facing a major threat of inferiority from youngsters like Varun Gandhi, who have successfully adopted the “instant” mantra.

Bollywood is moving slow not because of the recession but because the stars are been signed for election campaigns, the locations are been pre-booked for rallies, printers are very busy and that has resulted in bigger deals for dress designers & music directors.

The target audience this time has shifted to young educated elite class rather than the illiterate ones, and so the 'salespeople' of various parties are being seen outside several colleges tracking students.

From 1 kg rice to villagers, it has now switched to 1 laptop to freshers & and hwo knows may be a Nano next time.

Also no effect of the economic slowdown is visible on politicians for they are spoilt with several opportunities in hand by the newborn baby parties and certainly better packages.

Kasab will be well groomed by the next elections to participate, but the fight is still on between S.P. & B.S.P. to decide who will takehim in .

This is the modernized version of the political scenario today, where showing off seems the ultimate goal, a party is projected no less than an attractive commodity, and of course politicians are one of the most expensive hero’s.

It won’t be a nightmare, if the next time we see Rakhi Sawant dancing on Advani’s head, or elections being postponed for IPL.The western policies of election campaigns are being adopted by the same set of leaders who claim that they can die to save their Indian Traditions.

Today for exercising our own right we need an advertisement. High time we should realize it’s on the stake of our money, our right & above all our security.

Jai Ho!

Realizations...

Too start with a cliche-Small things give big you happiness but when you are surrounded with all kind of happiness, small never remains that small!

It’s after staying alone & commuting for hours in local transport that I developed this habit of ‘pondering’.

Thinking over the fights that daily happens either in bus or train, over issues which never require raised voices makes me remind of the days when I fought with my friends, and simultaneously makes me realize fighting is so simple & resolving equally difficult.

When a man in his 40’s get off his car in the mid of a jam to control the traffic singlehandedly makes me realize that not everyone in this country just sits and blame.

When a woman standing next to me in bus shifts herself to give me a comfort zone were no man can by mistake lean on me, makes me realize how my parents protected me in 22 years without letting me know.

When a roadside hawker calmly gives some free sandwiches to every passing cop, makes me realize of how patience comes by position.

When a father of a kindergarten student participates in racing competition to see his kid feeling proud makes me realize of the times when they still feel proud in spite of me feeding them in an old age home.

When I compliment my maid for the ‘gajraa’ she wears, makes me realize how a compliment makes someone’s feel elatated for the whole day.

When my mother waits outside the gate, on the day of my arrival in spite of knowing that the train is late, it’s then when I realize no one else can do that anymore, & that is how I label curiosity and unconditional love.

When small things make me realize that I wish I couldn’t have done that, I start questioning now, what earlier I use to assume, but If I would have questioned before, I wouldn’t have realized to explore assumptions.

Though these things aren’t something new or bizarre, but we tend to realize them pretty late in life and especially when we are left with no options. May be I am realizing it today because I get that time to observe the world and admire the beauty, and I find myself lost & blank.

There is a phase when you are surrounded with people & you struggle hard to figure out your identity but I find this ironical that you are alone now yet struggling to figure out your identity.

There is a slight difference between realizing expecting & accepting where realizing grades the highest.

(JLT) Just Like That:

Mumbai teaches you new lessons everyday, some good some bad, some with a reason, some without any, but what ever they are you tend to remember them forever. One such incident happened with me this Sunday morning when I was taking a local train from Cherney Road station to Dadar station.

I got my coupons punched from the machine counter and thereafter took a train & got down at Dadar station respectively, Where a Ticket Checker asked for me and my friend’s tickets, I showed him the tickets but as per him the tickets had wrong entry of timing, which showed I had punched them 4 hours before and were no more valied.

I told him the whole panorama, but the irony that thousands make the same set of excuses daily, made him immune to my 'excuse' as he termed it.

After some mintues of 'talk', the TC told us to come to his ticket office crossing the bridge, where this kind of scenario was normally seen. In the backdrop of my my fading patience to their casual reaction, the argument started heating to a higher pitch than the normal. In the mean time many people caught in similair situations came and went, some were guilty some weren’t, but who cares, giving money could be the simplest and in fact the only available option than taking their nonstop ‘bhaashan ‘!

For clarification I asked them to call the other station & figure out about the non functioning machine, but there phone couldn’t connect, so the functional conditions could be well understood.

I asked him about the left over option apart from paying the fine. Filing the complain was all he said and I expected. We thought to go with it. The more i asked him to hurry up with the formalities, the more he opted for casuing delay. The dreaded lethargy, stereotypical of a government employee.

The small room was packed with masters dealing with 2-3 cases simultaneously. A kid is crying, a poor lady begging, a student negotiating and our Ticket checker relaxing.Nothing could work politely or rudely, nor could his nor does mine ego satisfy.

The one liner argument of mine of not checking the date after punching & his station machine not functioning went on.

Though my ego won in the end by hook or crook, but the point still remains the same, who was at the fault? Me who got the right ticket for the right station or the railway authorities whose machines were improper? Would anyone if not me would have taken the ache and torture to fight uselessly for two hours in the mid of a filthy room for an issue like this? Paying 250 was really a good option. And this is what corruption is all about.

I have written my complain to www.consumercomplain.in , hoping when live moving authorities couldn’t listen, may be a mail could.And this is what optimism is all about.