Days when you dressed me for school to till date when you force me to gulp the glass of bournvita
Dad are Dads partial always for their daughters.
From the strict checks to the merciful permissions.
The perfect performance to overlook any fault.
For whom I am the most gorgeous women on earth.
And yes, that says it all.
The world goes for a toss on my slightest sneeze.
And you understand, I don’t wana share it with you this time.
But still you are there, without showing your presence
At times I feel it, at times it just goes by.
And so it’s always a misery who’s the one who pretends & fly
Time changes & so does my priorities, but you are the one who stick by.
You try to change as per me, but I am the one who doesn’t identify.
Your concern kills me with guilt & space with evasion.
Dono how to rectify.
Superb is this feeling of unconditional love
But I just anticipate, I deserve to justify.
This was my first trip with strangers. At a point in life you wish to be with people whom you don’t know. There is no past & there are no judgments. You desire to feel the refreshment in your long existence; you want to kick a new start. And these likeminded strangers make you feel a new you! A bunch of brand new friends whom you share your life with for the next couple of weeks. And no, nothing similar to a reality show.
So, the plan for this adventurous journey with meaning to Ladakh started from Delhi, where we all met. Two Canadians, one Macedonian girl, a couple of architecture students, a clinical researcher, a jobless journalist, a columnist, two advertising professionals, a media student, a software engineer and the man who managed to put it all together, including me of course. An accidental range of assorted youngsters’ of 19 to 35 year old, reliant with restricted budgetary bag packing.
There were a lot of annotations within the group, the youngest who craved for stuff like pepsi, cheese, hot chocolate, a guy who was an absolute movie buff, an ad professional who had instant one liners, a mad bawa who was wrong at every right circumstance, a college going couple innocently involved in themselves, a researcher who always jotted down something in his book (don’t know what!) a firangee struggling widda spices in the food, a traveler admiring beauty & trying to capture every single frame, a journalist getting deep into any not so important issue and of course the man behind this execution who had no motive other than showing the path of responsible tourism. Totally distant but yet so close.
After a certain age you realize that no matter how varied one’s character sketch is there is no complexity involved, in fact you wish to learn & explore more.
Life couldn’t be more serene when you see a shooting star flouting right at your nose & the whole world is lit under the full moon blooming on your head. You try & shut your eyes in this beam & when they spread wide they see golden brown mountains with ice glacier melting to the lush green farms & the people there with the most beautiful smile & you wonder where have I met them before?
The healthy breakfast that leaded to healthier conversations & molding mind sets.
The freshness inhaled the colors of nature,the very limited needs & desires & yet the utmost richness in their happiness, the unknown language, the monastery bells, and the satisfaction, the innocence in kids, the steaming momos, the naked sky, mountain, river & moon. So is equally naked your mind & emotions.
It was last week that I saw two movies back to back. Kites & Awake.
Awake is adapted by a real incident & Kites for me was a total bollywood larger than life impractical creation. What was common was the love story bit. Both the films had a handsome hero madly in love with the gorgeous heroine but there was no happy ending.
For me movies aren’t always restricted to entertainment, they also have a sufficient supplement of the happenings in the society. So does that mean unlike the past years the concept of happy ending has not only faded from the reel world but also from the real one?? I somewhat second that.
Being absolutely free since past few weeks, I have been watching more of T.V. from soaps, sitcoms, songs to news discovery & lifestyle + reading newspapers + Blogs. And to my surprise I can just see unhappiness all over. Accidents, robbery, murder, suicides. There are high rated reality shows based on love betrayals. Life is no more complicated. It’s simpler & lucid for everything is for a purpose leading to a common goal of MONEY. And that is what is reflected in these movies as well.
So where is the LOVE? A recent study declared that this year has witnessed the highest number of break ups & the most unsuccessful marriages, increasing number of extra marital affairs. Silly break ups through texts, social networking sites etc. So now let’s say instead of “Love is Blind” its “Love is Kind” which switches in seconds and the best part is with no guilt factor. People consider it as a part & parcel of life & move on.
On enquiring about a cousin’s friend, he said she is FFB. Now that’s a new term!! It’s Friends For Benefit, who have no objection in being physical with you & simultaneously being your buddy. How pretentious one can be!
Till when will things move on like this? And till where? Where is it leading to? The existing race is leading to a dead end. The casualness is not something that escorts to a better climax either. Love, life, career, sex the whole lot has speeded up to such an extent where there is no looking back.
Such is life & we still love it more than anything else.
Finally, I have taken a good summer break & I am off from work mode. The problem which I am suffering from is a terrible intricate thing & I am unable to understand it. The reason why I am writing this is, just to know that whether I am the only disturbed case existing or there are other people who think same and it should be considered as a syndrome!
I know everything & still I don’t know what to do, if you show me something and ask my opinion, I won’t be able to comment it as a good or bad, a yes or a no. I have never been dependent but suddenly have started feeling dicey for any decision making, I’ll appreciate & criticize the same thing at the same time; I need a break in the midst of when I am doing nothing, I have zilch to look forward to, I prefer to shut up than revolt against anything., I use to write for local dailies when I was in college & today I feel hesitant to write for my own blog. Are all these things a contribution from Bhopal’s drowsy atmosphere or Mumbai’s shrill scenario? But the question is that few years back when I was in Bhopal, it was an extremely opposite case. I use to bloody get on to the nerves if there was anything wrong happening around; there was a different level of enthusiasm to experiment, an all together different zing towards life, a positive approach & tones of happiness filled satisfaction. Overall there was a loud me!!
When I think of these changes of underestimation or whatever you call it, I don’t have a particular reason to blame. I have the same attitude & the same confidence but what is missing is the specifications.I find myself random! I am unable to figure out whether its running from responsibilities or getting more acquainted to it...
The developing restricted nature is the different phase I am getting into or any sort of insecurity maturing with the age. Does that mean, I need to call myself a 24 years “OLD” ??
Gone are the days of considering people young by heart. Today when I see kids prematuring with their respective age, I find myself to be a part of the club, who has started comprehending the weight of their age rather than enjoying it. It was outrageous to see my cousin who is in the 7th grade to spend his vacations in IIT children’s batch. Seeing this I feel a bit easy that I am bearing in mind myself old & feeling the pressure at a much later stage.
The sweet memories of my childhood & teenage are still secured within me & I think this phase of realism that I am getting into the old mode will bring me some hopefully better memories in future too.
It’s been long that I haven’t posted anything. I have been really out of touch from the happenings around since the time I have taken up this reality show project. It’s been more than 6 months that I have been just running. Running for work, to sleep, to party, to catch a train & so on. And I simply love to work my life in such a ruckus way for few months & then take a break.
It was yesterday morning that I & my dear friend Gunjan were again late for work. 11:06 am local to Andheri was the train we couldn’t afford to miss. While Gunjan’s building is closer to the station, I had to walk a bit. The cobbler sitting down my building, the taxi drivers, a female beggar with her kid, everyone knew my timing to run with a sandwich in my hand & ear phones plugged in at a time when Radio Jockey’s in Fm stations sign off there shows & others take their place with a few back to back songs to start with.
And in this scuttle half of the time I land up forgetting something, to which I announce to the whole area & my cook throws a charger, wallet etc from the second floor which I manage to catch, at times he runs down to serve me the glass of bournvita I purposely left. I love this systematic but chaotic timing.
Like the regular days I was running & Gunjan called me to speed up as 2 minutes & the train will go. I managed to catch the train & we started looking for each other in the crowed as long lost lovers. Suddenly we realized that everyone is baffled about the train’s destination, there was something wrong. Gunjan as usual without being sure but with an expression full of confidence announced that she is sure it’s Andheri train. Few school kids blamed each other for taking the wrong train while others like us happily took their seat until clutched on to the not so familiar greenery outside. The train halted at a station we had never seen before. We decided to get down & along with us nearly the whole rush in the train got down. Seeing the organized station I could easily assume it was the first time that the station had witnessed such a huge crowed. Everyone was puzzled & no one had the correct information. We decided to take a train back from where we started.
Logically we are suppose to reach office daily by 10am types but that’s is when we leave our bed & reach before the boss arrives at 12pm. We had already given tones of excuses on special occasions & this was a rare to believe case, where the train only was wrong & not we!! If you don’t believe ask all.
In the train, everyone was confused between the coincidence and the mistake, few were late for work while few kids missed there exams in this span of 45 minutes. I was cursing myself to be on time today. In reality we took a train prior to ours & due to just 2 minutes difference the recording was wrongly played and here we were left misguided with others.
Since the time we are passed out of college, the ground-breaking nature of ours was dead to fight on every other issue unlike now, since the time we have started working. But the heat in the weather got that spark back again. We dashed into the station master’s office & Gunjan was at her best to fight the loudest she could in her mixed Hindi, English accent. First with the lady who gave up in a minute & then with the station master who tried & justified himself. I could totally understand his chuckling face over Gunjan’s anger. But I preferred pretending to favor my friend. When the conversation was leading nowhere, Gunjan asked for the complaint book & that is when the man behind the chaos showed his face. A poor short heighted guy walked in with apologies. He was the guy who controls the display & the recordings & played the wrong one by mistake this morning. Gunjan still didn’t gave up till the time I reminded her that we can’t miss the train again. As we turned back, we saw a rush of around 60-70 people who took the wrong train were there listening the whole discussion.
It was an eccentric feeling for me to observe this incident because-
1. This was the first time when a train was wrong.
2. Out of the whole lot of people no one bothered to complaint.
I have got heaps of troubles, and I need to work them out, but when I look around and see, there are troubles all around, And while seeing all this I could simply grin and count all the troubles that I am not in.
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