Dekh bhai Dekh

Value ussi ki hai jiske million likes hain. 

Hum Toh uss type k log hain jinke baal spikes hain. 

Hum aaj bhi words rhyme karne ka sochte hain 

Aur duniya tik tok k videos per mute dance dikhaati hai. 

Jisse hum Nostalgia ka naam dete hain woh asal main #throwbackthursday kehlaati hai. 

Free ka gyaan dene waalon ko ab influencer kehte hain. 

Aur kishtein bharne waale berozgaar baithe hain. 

Kabhi lagta hai main bhi jeebh nikaal kar tasweerein khichwaaun aur jeewan main kuch toh naam kamaaun. 

Ek kitaab pichle kuch maheeno se chal rahi hai.  Chai k saath photo main kaafi jach rahi hai. 

Kahaaniyon k daur se kosoon durr aa gayi hoon. Ab thand ki dhoop main Instagram stories banaa rahi hoon. 

Kissi zamaane main Anyaaye per buland aawaaz uthaane waali aaj trolls se darke screen k peeche chhup jaati hai. 

Kyunki social media k samaaj ki izzat se badkar 

aaj koi devi nahi kehlaati hai. 

Maya-Jaal

I somewhere read Modi did an experiment with Truth.

Don’t know about the money,
But the emotions I witnessed were sort of rare & funny.

A Pizza company offered free pizza slices to people standing in queue all day,
A beggar refused a 500 note with such buoyancy.

A housewife removed her savings she otherwise would have never let apart
Breaking a kid’s piggy bank broke his heart.

A few washed tenners in my denim pocket got me smile,
And few thousands in my hand made me walk a mile.

My servant who was put down to have asked for an advance last month,
A plead to take an added bonus was put on a front.

Black or White the chess aims the king but uses the rest,
People who know the game well are the one chilling in their nest. 

Some gossiped, some faced repercussions, while social media celebrated at large.

Apart from few pink selfies, Money cannot buy happiness was proved at last.

Dont Chew, Swallow Instead.

I learnt the art of swallowing,
Gulping down the miseries

The memories that make me wrench
Filtering the restless bit from the rest

Going through those motivational quotes online
and then leave your uncertainties to say good bye

Was that a healing process or a full stop at large,
the more answers I hunt, the more questions barge.

The rule was made since start, but we never wanted,
The person who loves you the most is always taken for granted.

Happy Endings is a bright term but who has seen it?
All I saw were the stories half done & in fact been in one.

The more funny life gets, the more you stop laughing,
The judgments get more acclaimed when you are hanging transparent.   

A Dream Start Up!

Let me tell you, I am a ridiculous dreamer. When I use to dream back then, there were no face book posts to get inspired from. With how much ever limited I had traveled, I had a picture of what I was sure of doing down the line. A café with books, handmade pots, Mountain View, smell of coffee & strangers turning friends. I had no direction, no plan. Just a simple image which use to make me smile.

Their came a phase where everyone around me was working hard, they were ambitious & were moving at a good pace in life. I was still dreaming plus exploring some ten thousand hobbies like an avid teenager. I Loved my non restrictive, no nonsense & low responsibility kinda life. But few birthday’s down the line things changed. No one changed or forced to change them.

My parents never took me acutely but were always there for me. Then came the angel of my life my Husband who could see my dream floating in my eyes in a typical Bollywood style.

Omit the mountains & my café was live in front of me. Dreaming is so simple but the patience & courage that requires to build something from scratch is a feeling that only a person who has gone through the whole process of a start up can identify with. To get drained mentally, physically, emotionally & financially.

I could have not just watched mountains & made friends. I had to earn money to run it as well. To repay loans & to buy more equipment to stay updated. One always starts a business with a lot of flowery dreams, to earn loads to open a new branch soon etc. The initial phase is such a damper when people don’t know about your place; you try & sell anything & everything. Not being philosophical here but if you hold on your patience for a while, it pays off. Not all customers come to chit-chat & are friends with you. 

The Irony was my mood started functioning as per how well I was earning. Whereas my dream was never this commercial.  In a short span of time I realized my passion driven dream was revolving around money making business.

The main motive for most girls to work is independence & to get recognition. If not then I don’t mind living a luxurious life sponsored by my rich Daddy! What’s the need of working your ass off if you aren’t been recognized for it. Right?

But eventually I was getting recognized. I was getting complimented; people said they are proud of me. But ONLY when I was delivering orders to celebrities. A picture with Amitabh Bachchan cutting my cake made everyone took me seriously.

Isn’t that strange? People in India go gaga with anyone just having one celeb connection. But to distinguish hard work comes way later in life.

Everything in life teaches you. Makes you rich & wiser in experience, knowledge & emotions.
I have also learnt which I pass on to my teenage siblings, who are high on life as I was.  Dreaming is good but it has a lot of frills attached.

Seasonal Changes

 Waiting for summers, yet it is so hot.
Cousins get together whenever we want.

Playing nonstop as exams are over,
Fighting for who will fill water in Cooler,

Unlimited glasses of Rasna at our disposal.

The excitement to sleep at Terrace for the feel of cold breeze,
I think I still prefer that, over an A.C. Sneeze.

That Kulfi guy with a pot covered with red cloth that rings bell
how we rush to him without bothering who fell

It wasn't the irritation when the electricity goes off,
But the joy to meet all right when it’s the time to doze off.

To reach home before it goes dark
Seeing Goldspot in the refrigerator gets us that spark.

Reading newspaper every morning in the lawn
Plucking Raw Mangoes before dawn

I miss my Summer Vacations.
The heat must have been harsh back then too
but it’s today that I feel it most.

Zindagi Gulzar Hai

Lately I have got hooked to the Pakistani television series.  I have a hangover of this serial Zindagi Gulzar hai & a telifilm Behadd. I can’t stop thinking about the same. I wonder if I had seen such intense kind of work in my life that is holding my mind so much probably my inspirations would have been different by now. The crappy content I see without having a choice is so loud in terms of making my thoughts run in a different direction. I see the Saaree, Jewellery, I see the set. All I don’t see is a story. My niece at an age of 10 thinks that joint family is about Politics & fights. I don’t blame her you become what you see.

Here I am not going totally against the Indian t.v. scenario. After all I have myself worked in television for few years. But there is a VAST difference for sure. I no more sympathize with the reality show contestants crying on stage because they come from poor family. I no more sympathize with daughter-in-laws who do so much for the family & gets nothing in return. It’s nowhere close to real.

A little bit of bitchiness, a little bit of laughter, crying, cribbing. A mix of all is good entertainment. But here we witness high trp’s of shows that go on for many years with no message & no entertainment.
I had worked for few reality shows few years back. I thought it was such a wonderful platform for people who have talent & want to break it on their own. But today when I speak with those contestants 80% out of the lot is jobless ever since, Yet optimistic that they will get a chance again, just because they have seen the glamour & money of this industry.

I remember working on this reality show where the actual wedding was shown live on tv, Both the families were given lots of money for the preps & their activities were captured on cameras in all rooms. As a reality show producer my job was to provoke them, interview them in such a way that they should lose it on camera. My Bosses in the Programming Control Room use to find it a victory if the judges cry or such teaser moments use to get a lot appreciation. While interviewing one of the family members on this show I provoked her over a monetary issue & later when the show was done I realized that her relationship has gone sour with her whole family because she spoke foul for them on national tv in the heat of the moment.  With the guilt of this I realized to end my short stint in Television industry. People find it funny but this episode had made me guilty as well as had proved me emotionless.

Hence now when I watched this Pakistani serial it felt real for a change. The simplicity was beautiful. No good clothes, no fancy sets yet so much to look forward to. The romance was felt like a teenager in me; the holding hands got me goose bumps, the acting, the story got me emotional, I couldn't stop thinking about it for days to come. In 23 episodes they showed a whole range of emotions which we don’t see here in years except the changing husbands & wives. The background score added a different level of intensity to the roles.

I wish our entertainment industry realizes soon where we heading to or rather where we should. 

Thought for living

I tend to write when I am angry, when I am emotional as I feel I can convey better through words.
I can sit, ponder & write for hours what I feel. But when I convey it verbally, I regret. I regret for  speaking in the heat of the moment or I regret conveying my thoughts partially.

When you wake up, your mood and thoughts tends to set for mood for the rest of the day. Good, Bad, Lazy, Excited.  

I am living in a situation that I have never been accustomed to in the past. A so called “struggle phase”. 
At times, this phase brings in a lot of hopes, dreams, and excitements but sometimes I feel a little left out at times.

(I am jumping to write from moods to struggle to friends but all this is linked in my head.  So going with the flow of thoughts. )

I have been a social Animal since I can remember. And like all of us, try to wear different social hats.I try to be a little manipulative with the Bandra kitty types but then I can be a fun company for the genuine ones & can switch to my slighthly intellect side when I am with the Geeks. And
My Husband loves this art in me

I have always ‘switched’ with age. I remember being a party animal during graduation days to going for debates & plays. Now I have become a brunch person. I love meeting people for coffee in daylight, to discuss books, go for plays, join hobby classes & talk politics. I don’t know if it’s my age or my company or my realization that there is so much to do in life rather than having a ‘hangover’ (which is also necessary once in a while)

My friends feel that I have become ‘annoying’ while I walk through this whole phase. From being a charm in my social circles now I am not even invited as much. I tend to ditch plans. Apart from staying far from the city, I am also surrounded with a lot of start up business calculations which I don’t expect any & everyone to have a handle on.

When I meet people who encourage me, I get motivated & optimistic about starting my own business. However, even the slightest negativity, forces me to ponder all over again. This makes me chose & pick the company I would like to spend time with. It is not that I am not open to criticisms but it is just the ‘phase’.

Another weird situation I dread a lot these days is being in the group of people who use the kissing emoticon more than they chat. Especially when I am allergic to too much love. ‘The baby’ ‘the doll’, darlings & love. Usage of these excessive lovedove in group of girls is quite common these days and  I can see they bond well over these sea of love. Regrettably I don’t land up bonding with them as well as they expect me to.

There was a time when I could turn strangers into friends in no time. But that has changed now, it takes a lot from me to accept someone of a different natural history. People whose company I find rational, they don’t find me exciting. And neither do I fit in the too much love circles.

I miss being in crowd.

This start up career building phase takes me not only on an emotional trip but on an abandoned one too. And the patience to hang around for a fruitful result is a long wait indeed.

I am Sorry I can't Vote!

Election campaigning are at its full swing.  Reminds me of my hometown Bhopal where my friends use to be very opinionated around this time for whom they would vote & of course with their facts & figures clear. Discussions at home over dinner or with friends over coffee were quite usual.
The Rickshaws that use to pass ten times a day with bursting speakers, funny picture portfolios of the candidate & more hilariously rhyming slogans in a typical voice.  “Khaaiye Samosa Aur Kachori..Yaad rakhiye Suresh Pachori”

Small town has its own charm, a rave that runs during election days. Since the time i have got my senses i have seen my family prioratizing to vote first thing in the morning of that day. Those 'deshbhakti' songs playing in the area adds to the effect. It use to make me feel as if I am participating in Sports day & want my ‘Sapphire house’ to win. Election result day was like a Parents -Teacher meet. 

I remember the first time I voted. I was excited as hell! I agree I had to run around to get my voters id made. But I specially took an off from my college in Mumbai. Travelled to Bhopal to Vote. In my ward at that particular time I was the only young girl. The volunteers were equally excited to guide me. I went inside in that corner & I took my own time to check out all the buttons & symbols. To my shock there were many symbols I had never seen in my life. (Exactly how the so called politically & socially active youth today who know nothing beyond  A Modi  AGandhi  & Now A Kejriwal)
I was so proud to show that mark on my figure that my Dad even called the local MLA to inform that my daughter came all the way to vote for you.  May be I was over enthusiastic.

I pity life of people staying in bigger cities. How they miss the charm of being ‘Socially Active’.
Their frustration to travel for hours, cope up with an expensive lifestyle, to crave for peace & yet to pretend intellectual. Oh I so don’t blame them. But let me also tell you, involving yourself in National Politics is no more considered intellectual. It’s assumed to be an obvious part of your life like A Shahrukh Khan & Salman Khan are. And trust me it’s equally entertaining. The Blame games, comedy, fight & love.

It’s the first time that I can’t vote since I have got that authority to vote cz I have no changed Surname documents & I can’t travel to Bhopal on that day, I really feel guilty. But I feel guiltier for my friends here. 70% of my friends in Bombay who are highly educated, apparently of my age or more have no voters id card & nor have they ever tried to register themselves.  They don’t know the name of the MLA of their area, but they definitely know the filmstars who have filed nominations in these elections.

There was a time when all these things use to irritate me. But I guess not anymore. I have seen these friends clubbing, watching repeated episodes on television & going picnics on weekends.  I certainly hereby realize you are no one who can bring in any change in anyone.  I don’t want someone to label me as a person who blabbers & goes. High time they realize their priorities on their own. And there is no harm if they have realized that chilling over a weekend is more important. But all I demand is they should be upfront about it rather than writing status messages for the same.

So done with hearing I want to vote for Modi because he has changed Gujrat.

I want to vote for Kejriwal  because I want to give a new person a chance
I want to vote for Rahul Gandhi because he is young.

Their are friends who have pointed me "Oh my God you havent been to the Sunburn"

Babes i wana tell you "Oh my God you have never voted! 

Seriously!
Grow up. There is so much more beyond that.

Happy New Year

I logged in facebook this morning as a regular ritual & saw flooded status messages of New Year resolutions.  Whereas few cribbed about what’s so new about this day!

I personally have always been an adherent fan of following such funny beliefs what I was taught as a kid & they are still harmless & tagged with a lot of positivism.

My Dad use to wake me up on Jan 1^st early morning with a lot of notions like if I sleep till late today, I will have a lazy year, if I’ll skip bath today I’ll have an untidy year & so on..

This morning when I woke up I promised myself to write a piece which was pending since long, read a page of a book to get a hang of it & to go for a jog which never happened!

We tend to analyze the whole year with up’s & down’s.  2013 was brand new for me.  I got married, relocated, new friends, new family, new habits, and new lifestyle.  I can’t be judgmental by saying what was good & what was not so good about it. But all I can say is I grew in this span with an understanding to adjust with others & let others adjust with me. My friends are getting married & few are delivering babies. Life is indeed running at its fullest!

I miss being a small townie, I miss the warmness. I realize this city (Mumbai) is an artificial entity & people are frustrated at every point of time. But then this city makes me dream to grow & compete.
This city made me self-strong & also selfless. I no more think about how my father taught me to help the society. I think about when I will wear that big rock solitaire like my neighbor, when I will drive that fancy car, when will I move to a sea face apartment. Life has started revolving more around me & I have no guilt about it either. From a satisfied person

 Now i crave for more. Life takes strange turns!

 

 
I went to see my first live cricket match. With no interest in the game & the players, I fell in love with the simplicity & humbleness of the Iconic star of the game Sachin Tendulkar.  I couldn't believe it was happening in real that tears were rolling from everyone’s eyes, pin drop silence & that excitement to hear the man himself.  It wasn't the victory, it wasn't the game. It was sheer hard earned respect which forced me to be a fan of that player. 

Another deferential memory of the year was when Arvind Kejriwal was appointed as the CM of Delhi later this year. It was such a motivational chapter for all dreamers across the nation including me.  ‘Dream, work & achieve’ emerged as a doable phrase.

So it’s time to get going with more inspirations & with more fancy dreams to hit 2014!

ManSoon

Going back to the memory lane
Monsoons were never just about the rains.

Bunking lectures & the drives with friends.
Coming back home fully drenched,

Rubbing lemon on Bhuttas & the steaming roadside chai
Is all what you dream of in a small town country side.

The joy of sudden holidays & the walk to remember
Gone are those days with last December.

This Monsoon in a new & bigger city
Was all about traffic & frustration. Oh what a pity!

I dream big here but I do small
Being away from a small town makes me realize what have I missed afterall!

To be or not to be

Hey,
Its been an year that this blog of mine hasn't been updated! A year that has surprised me widda lot of good changes.
Writing for me never meant to update anyone. It’s purely a strong run of emotion that forces you to scream through words! For the first time trying to scream by hand!

The Thought of losing someone.

Few days back, I threw my phone in anger while arguing with my brother,
The argument faded in few hours but the regret of losing my phone went prolong.

I lost touch with an old friend because I was blessed with an ego to figure what went so wrong.
I repent my fingers that types so fast to complete a missing argument on texts
and not realizing may be silence for the moment would suit the best.

A broken lie, years back took a sudden reality in my life
Wondering am I suppose to take care of all such things or avoid as they are passing by.

A dog that was sleeping under my car depart his life when I reversed,
Unable to figure was it a moment of sadness or guilt for months.

The raising expectations from the people you love,
The fight that scares you to lose it up.

The mood that swings with a slight of negative thought
And screws the happiness of even things that I haven’t yet bought.

I say I don’t do it intentionally but the fact is I yet repeat it.
Knowing that God is within me, I pray selfishly when I feel defeated.

Rockstar!

While witnessing a different era in bollywood, it’s quite funny to argue so strongly for movies.
There was a time when hit movies were universally liked. E.g.:- DDLJ, Hum Aapke hain kaun, kuch kuch hota hai. These were clearly stated movies, with high emotions & budgets , predictable endings & popular star caste. Things have changed. Films were a business then & are passion now.

The last few ultra hyped movies I saw this year were Delly-Belly, Bodygaurd, Mausam & Ra One.
All of these movies were either produced or Directed by a father for a son or for a Brother etc. And so in some or the other way these fresher’s got a fresh unrestricted approach + Passion as a motive in the making process of the film. E.g. – Delly Belly was not a new story but was entertaining with a fresh, young approach & the productive marketing definitely helped. For some it was an appalling movie, for me it was pure entertainment. Similarly for some Ra One was a hyped up film & for me it was a larger than life & a different experience, Mausam again was a deep thought of love but too unrealistic for our imaginations. Ironically I am still clueless what was that great in Bodygaurd. But then after so much effort no movie is bad & moreover its bollywood! Where the face value still works. I see a different genre all together where the target audience is not segregated with age. To cut it short, these movies are not massy. In a single family you may find two people a fan of a movie & two hating it to the core.

Similar situation happened when I went to watch Rockstar. Directed by Imtiza Ali & character played by the youth Icon Ranbir Kapoor. I was desperately waiting for this movie to release since quite some time mainly because A.- I met Ranbir Kapoor personally & he was super convincing about his work. B. I am an Imtiaz Ali fan. And C. It was a musical movie & that too soul touching music by A. R. Rehman & my fav Mohit Chauhan as the main vocalist.

The movie was a revolutionary experience. Ranbir Kapoor’s raw acting greased with the apt costumes, hair style, and location simply enhanced the different approaches of his character.
I could see myself floating in a trance mode because every phase of the actor’s life was backed with beautiful lyrics & music that could connect. The unconditional juggle between passion & love was deeply felt. It was a movie of a sort because every expression may that be of sadness, desperateness, love, loneliness, lust had a language which was put across marvelously irrespective of a joint motive that said- I give a fuck to the world.

Strangely I suffered with no sympathy, neither when the actor was a dumb & he left his house nor when the actress was on bed. The story flowed in a way as if it was a part of life.
As a typical Imtiaz Ali film, it had those moments of fun before interval with which one could connect while being in a no named relationship & the realization that happens late in life when it actually destined to happen.

There come few scenes when the actress wants to hug the actor & these are placed right before when she’s about to get married & also when she is married. So like an adamant bollywood audience, everyone was expecting her to be caught at that moment & story will take a turn. But I think the story telling has grown from that segment. That placement of hugging sequence with no requirements, dialogues, and lust had so much story to tell itself.

The innocence that was maintained in the character throughout who became a world famous rockstar was believable for a change, may that be through his acting skills or the story line.
For me apart his journey to be a rockstar that happened because of the love story drawn in was totally credible. I could compare the unrefined & unconditional love showcased from DevD. Which was again a movie loved by few & hated by many.

The main dispute was the abrupt ending. And again for me it justified. If the actor & actress lived happily ever after & there was no pain left, the rockstar in him would have died. Or even if it was exposed that the actress died, the sympathy wouldn’t have got me that hangover as I am experiencing now. The connection of the first & the last scene was incredible. For me the conclusion was a dream. It was a magical & divine experience left open for the audience to relish, Cz jo bhi main kehna chahoon barbaad kare alfaaz mere!!

Live, Laugh, Love!

One of those days, when you recall
what went wrong & why you can’t blame
what made you act so bloody lame

Why do you fear to be carefree anymore
Why are you alone & not with the gang of four

The wholesome company of yours that you use to enjoy
Is also something you wana run away with, Why?

The non living existence that makes you hooks
why so love with the crayons & the colorful cover books.

The changing thoughts in a moment & the irritation that builds
and within the next moment the guilt you face, nearly kills.

Why is it so difficult to relish the charm of failure
is it the dream that creep or the reality that letdown

Million Questions with limited answers
the judgmental you & the brain as a dancer.
With the Music that has no sync with your life
but still you try hands-on to Jive.

Why being happy on your accomplishments
did you share my piece of punishments?

Why being a Saint, when the evil is the one who actually laughs
when I see the world with these pair of mean eyes, I could see myself nothing more than a dwarf.

Me & Myself

How great it feels, when suddenly you choose to do
something you wanted to & knew you are awful at.
When I splashed the colors with a brush in my hand
there was a coat of contentment that I could feel on my face & see on the canvas.
The journey started with consciousness at the first layer & happiness with intensifying colors.
The mixing of colors on my pallet to the growing impatience to see the finished product,
There wasn’t any moment of thrill that I missed out on while doing this oil color painting of Buddha.
Hobbies help us to be a good human, with the in depth dedication & joy of learning.
Find yourself & you will find happiness :)

Anshun- Corruption

For a youngster like me who has no permanent income, lives life as it comes & comfort matters the most. In spite of being educated & updated, Words like corruption & strikes are too heavy to digest.
I get influenced easily, switching my point of view with different political leaders in different seasons as per the discussions on facebook.
But, what matters to me is the terrific hike in petrol prices, which I pay from my pocket money.

So when a whole lot of political drama happened last week, it in a way affected me. To my surprise, I was witnessing the live drama of opposition parties & the height of hypocrisy, blame game, cat fights being so openly played. Not even a single person involved in the whole scene in favor or opposition appeared to be a subtle, genuine representative for a noble cause.

I look at this from few points of views.

a. In India, people have this tendency to be a dedicated follower of anyone & then it’s really difficult to break through their beliefs. They’ll fast if a Rajnikant falls sick. So much is the impact. So if a million people agreed to strike with Baba Ramdev, I don’t see this as a gigantic achievement.

b. It is a human tendency to criticize. Because we ourselves see how the world moves at a selfish pace, where 9 out of 10 people think about themselves, their choices & profits including me. So if suddenly a Millionaire Yoga teachers shouts & sacrifices on behalf of the poor janta of our country, it gets a bit difficult to accept. Knowing the fact that fooling around in India & gaining sympathy is one of the easiest things to do.

c. When a Rahul Gandhi gets a media coverage in villages, we clearly state it as a showoff, then why are we considering Baba Ramdev as indisputable, who has been announcing about the hunger strike since a month now? Whereas the world knows about his future plans in politics.


d. Amitabh Bachan is treated as God in our country, so tomorrow if he wants something, is this the way to communicate?? It is more of a blackmailing & taking advantage of the innocent people who follow you without any expectations. I remember doing this as a kid, but now when I look back, I feel happy that those of my certain wishes were not fulfilled for my betterment.
If this is the alternative, then why do we ourselves vote & elect candidates?

e. Blame Game is one of the easiest thing to do. If BJP & RSS have turned out to be pro Baba Ramdev, then instead of blaming they should come up with alternatives. Especially parties like BJP who is no more in power only because of its communal ideologies. Have they rectified those yet??


f. We say, it was a silent protest, whereas I don’t consider a loud person calling for his followers to join from all over the country + Media + Security & sucha huge team managing the event with so much outrage as silent!! What if any kid loses his life in the hunger strike in Delhi’s heat. Will Baba Ramdev be caught responsible?

g. Understandable! The amount of corruption our country is facing today is a matter of utter shame. And it is great to have initiatives. But no one man can have this authority to make a political agenda out of it or impose the government, which leads to an unwanted disaster like the one happened at the Ramleela ground, Delhi on 5th June’11


India is a country of extremes, so the two possible things are, either to get a king to rule us, & be a dedicated follower or change the system.
And no, it is not easy said than done this time, because if it’s not your cup of tea, you should enjoy a vacation in Italy singing Singh is King & hand over the rest to the United Nations.
The political game will lead no one anywhere but will develop a sense of hatred for either, and will encourage more of such wanabe martyrs to take over.

Girl Alone

My Daddy strongest! :)

Days when you dressed me for school to till date when you force me to gulp the glass of bournvita
Dad are Dads partial always for their daughters.
From the strict checks to the merciful permissions.
The perfect performance to overlook any fault.
For whom I am the most gorgeous women on earth.
And yes, that says it all.

The world goes for a toss on my slightest sneeze.
And you understand, I don’t wana share it with you this time.
But still you are there, without showing your presence
At times I feel it, at times it just goes by.
And so it’s always a misery who’s the one who pretends & fly

Time changes & so does my priorities, but you are the one who stick by.
You try to change as per me, but I am the one who doesn’t identify.
Your concern kills me with guilt & space with evasion.
Dono how to rectify.

Superb is this feeling of unconditional love
But I just anticipate, I deserve to justify.

Happy Teachers Day Papa!

Leh-Ladakh

This was my first trip with strangers. At a point in life you wish to be with people whom you don’t know. There is no past & there are no judgments. You desire to feel the refreshment in your long existence; you want to kick a new start. And these likeminded strangers make you feel a new you! A bunch of brand new friends whom you share your life with for the next couple of weeks. And no, nothing similar to a reality show.

So, the plan for this adventurous journey with meaning to Ladakh started from Delhi, where we all met. Two Canadians, one Macedonian girl, a couple of architecture students, a clinical researcher, a jobless journalist, a columnist, two advertising professionals, a media student, a software engineer and the man who managed to put it all together, including me of course. An accidental range of assorted youngsters’ of 19 to 35 year old, reliant with restricted budgetary bag packing.

There were a lot of annotations within the group, the youngest who craved for stuff like pepsi, cheese, hot chocolate, a guy who was an absolute movie buff, an ad professional who had instant one liners, a mad bawa who was wrong at every right circumstance, a college going couple innocently involved in themselves, a researcher who always jotted down something in his book (don’t know what!) a firangee struggling widda spices in the food, a traveler admiring beauty & trying to capture every single frame, a journalist getting deep into any not so important issue and of course the man behind this execution who had no motive other than showing the path of responsible tourism. Totally distant but yet so close.

After a certain age you realize that no matter how varied one’s character sketch is there is no complexity involved, in fact you wish to learn & explore more.

Life couldn’t be more serene when you see a shooting star flouting right at your nose & the whole world is lit under the full moon blooming on your head. You try & shut your eyes in this beam & when they spread wide they see golden brown mountains with ice glacier melting to the lush green farms & the people there with the most beautiful smile & you wonder where have I met them before?

The healthy breakfast that leaded to healthier conversations & molding mind sets.
The freshness inhaled the colors of nature,the very limited needs & desires & yet the utmost richness in their happiness, the unknown language, the monastery bells, and the satisfaction, the innocence in kids, the steaming momos, the naked sky, mountain, river & moon. So is equally naked your mind & emotions.

In very short this is Ladakh to me.

Love is gone!

It was last week that I saw two movies back to back. Kites & Awake.
Awake is adapted by a real incident & Kites for me was a total bollywood larger than life impractical creation. What was common was the love story bit. Both the films had a handsome hero madly in love with the gorgeous heroine but there was no happy ending.
For me movies aren’t always restricted to entertainment, they also have a sufficient supplement of the happenings in the society. So does that mean unlike the past years the concept of happy ending has not only faded from the reel world but also from the real one?? I somewhat second that.
Being absolutely free since past few weeks, I have been watching more of T.V. from soaps, sitcoms, songs to news discovery & lifestyle + reading newspapers + Blogs. And to my surprise I can just see unhappiness all over. Accidents, robbery, murder, suicides. There are high rated reality shows based on love betrayals. Life is no more complicated. It’s simpler & lucid for everything is for a purpose leading to a common goal of MONEY. And that is what is reflected in these movies as well.
So where is the LOVE? A recent study declared that this year has witnessed the highest number of break ups & the most unsuccessful marriages, increasing number of extra marital affairs. Silly break ups through texts, social networking sites etc. So now let’s say instead of “Love is Blind” its “Love is Kind” which switches in seconds and the best part is with no guilt factor. People consider it as a part & parcel of life & move on.

On enquiring about a cousin’s friend, he said she is FFB. Now that’s a new term!! It’s Friends For Benefit, who have no objection in being physical with you & simultaneously being your buddy. How pretentious one can be!

Till when will things move on like this? And till where? Where is it leading to? The existing race is leading to a dead end. The casualness is not something that escorts to a better climax either. Love, life, career, sex the whole lot has speeded up to such an extent where there is no looking back.
Such is life & we still love it more than anything else.

The Old age.

Finally, I have taken a good summer break & I am off from work mode. The problem which I am suffering from is a terrible intricate thing & I am unable to understand it. The reason why I am writing this is, just to know that whether I am the only disturbed case existing or there are other people who think same and it should be considered as a syndrome!

I know everything & still I don’t know what to do, if you show me something and ask my opinion, I won’t be able to comment it as a good or bad, a yes or a no. I have never been dependent but suddenly have started feeling dicey for any decision making, I’ll appreciate & criticize the same thing at the same time; I need a break in the midst of when I am doing nothing, I have zilch to look forward to, I prefer to shut up than revolt against anything., I use to write for local dailies when I was in college & today I feel hesitant to write for my own blog. Are all these things a contribution from Bhopal’s drowsy atmosphere or Mumbai’s shrill scenario? But the question is that few years back when I was in Bhopal, it was an extremely opposite case. I use to bloody get on to the nerves if there was anything wrong happening around; there was a different level of enthusiasm to experiment, an all together different zing towards life, a positive approach & tones of happiness filled satisfaction. Overall there was a loud me!!

When I think of these changes of underestimation or whatever you call it, I don’t have a particular reason to blame. I have the same attitude & the same confidence but what is missing is the specifications.I find myself random! I am unable to figure out whether its running from responsibilities or getting more acquainted to it...
The developing restricted nature is the different phase I am getting into or any sort of insecurity maturing with the age. Does that mean, I need to call myself a 24 years “OLD” ??

Gone are the days of considering people young by heart. Today when I see kids prematuring with their respective age, I find myself to be a part of the club, who has started comprehending the weight of their age rather than enjoying it. It was outrageous to see my cousin who is in the 7^th grade to spend his vacations in IIT children’s batch. Seeing this I feel a bit easy that I am bearing in mind myself old & feeling the pressure at a much later stage.

The sweet memories of my childhood & teenage are still secured within me & I think this phase of realism that I am getting into the old mode will bring me some hopefully better memories in future too.