Thought for living

I tend to write when I am angry, when I am emotional as I feel I can convey better through words.
I can sit, ponder & write for hours what I feel. But when I convey it verbally, I regret. I regret for  speaking in the heat of the moment or I regret conveying my thoughts partially.

When you wake up, your mood and thoughts tends to set for mood for the rest of the day. Good, Bad, Lazy, Excited.  

I am living in a situation that I have never been accustomed to in the past. A so called “struggle phase”. 
At times, this phase brings in a lot of hopes, dreams, and excitements but sometimes I feel a little left out at times.

(I am jumping to write from moods to struggle to friends but all this is linked in my head.  So going with the flow of thoughts. )

I have been a social Animal since I can remember. And like all of us, try to wear different social hats.I try to be a little manipulative with the Bandra kitty types but then I can be a fun company for the genuine ones & can switch to my slighthly intellect side when I am with the Geeks. And
My Husband loves this art in me

I have always ‘switched’ with age. I remember being a party animal during graduation days to going for debates & plays. Now I have become a brunch person. I love meeting people for coffee in daylight, to discuss books, go for plays, join hobby classes & talk politics. I don’t know if it’s my age or my company or my realization that there is so much to do in life rather than having a ‘hangover’ (which is also necessary once in a while)

My friends feel that I have become ‘annoying’ while I walk through this whole phase. From being a charm in my social circles now I am not even invited as much. I tend to ditch plans. Apart from staying far from the city, I am also surrounded with a lot of start up business calculations which I don’t expect any & everyone to have a handle on.

When I meet people who encourage me, I get motivated & optimistic about starting my own business. However, even the slightest negativity, forces me to ponder all over again. This makes me chose & pick the company I would like to spend time with. It is not that I am not open to criticisms but it is just the ‘phase’.

Another weird situation I dread a lot these days is being in the group of people who use the kissing emoticon more than they chat. Especially when I am allergic to too much love. ‘The baby’ ‘the doll’, darlings & love. Usage of these excessive lovedove in group of girls is quite common these days and  I can see they bond well over these sea of love. Regrettably I don’t land up bonding with them as well as they expect me to.

There was a time when I could turn strangers into friends in no time. But that has changed now, it takes a lot from me to accept someone of a different natural history. People whose company I find rational, they don’t find me exciting. And neither do I fit in the too much love circles.

I miss being in crowd.

This start up career building phase takes me not only on an emotional trip but on an abandoned one too. And the patience to hang around for a fruitful result is a long wait indeed.