The Old age.

Finally, I have taken a good summer break & I am off from work mode. The problem which I am suffering from is a terrible intricate thing & I am unable to understand it. The reason why I am writing this is, just to know that whether I am the only disturbed case existing or there are other people who think same and it should be considered as a syndrome!

I know everything & still I don’t know what to do, if you show me something and ask my opinion, I won’t be able to comment it as a good or bad, a yes or a no. I have never been dependent but suddenly have started feeling dicey for any decision making, I’ll appreciate & criticize the same thing at the same time; I need a break in the midst of when I am doing nothing, I have zilch to look forward to, I prefer to shut up than revolt against anything., I use to write for local dailies when I was in college & today I feel hesitant to write for my own blog. Are all these things a contribution from Bhopal’s drowsy atmosphere or Mumbai’s shrill scenario? But the question is that few years back when I was in Bhopal, it was an extremely opposite case. I use to bloody get on to the nerves if there was anything wrong happening around; there was a different level of enthusiasm to experiment, an all together different zing towards life, a positive approach & tones of happiness filled satisfaction. Overall there was a loud me!!

When I think of these changes of underestimation or whatever you call it, I don’t have a particular reason to blame. I have the same attitude & the same confidence but what is missing is the specifications.I find myself random! I am unable to figure out whether its running from responsibilities or getting more acquainted to it...
The developing restricted nature is the different phase I am getting into or any sort of insecurity maturing with the age. Does that mean, I need to call myself a 24 years “OLD” ??

Gone are the days of considering people young by heart. Today when I see kids prematuring with their respective age, I find myself to be a part of the club, who has started comprehending the weight of their age rather than enjoying it. It was outrageous to see my cousin who is in the 7^th grade to spend his vacations in IIT children’s batch. Seeing this I feel a bit easy that I am bearing in mind myself old & feeling the pressure at a much later stage.

The sweet memories of my childhood & teenage are still secured within me & I think this phase of realism that I am getting into the old mode will bring me some hopefully better memories in future too.