Love is gone!

It was last week that I saw two movies back to back. Kites & Awake.
Awake is adapted by a real incident & Kites for me was a total bollywood larger than life impractical creation. What was common was the love story bit. Both the films had a handsome hero madly in love with the gorgeous heroine but there was no happy ending.
For me movies aren’t always restricted to entertainment, they also have a sufficient supplement of the happenings in the society. So does that mean unlike the past years the concept of happy ending has not only faded from the reel world but also from the real one?? I somewhat second that.
Being absolutely free since past few weeks, I have been watching more of T.V. from soaps, sitcoms, songs to news discovery & lifestyle + reading newspapers + Blogs. And to my surprise I can just see unhappiness all over. Accidents, robbery, murder, suicides. There are high rated reality shows based on love betrayals. Life is no more complicated. It’s simpler & lucid for everything is for a purpose leading to a common goal of MONEY. And that is what is reflected in these movies as well.
So where is the LOVE? A recent study declared that this year has witnessed the highest number of break ups & the most unsuccessful marriages, increasing number of extra marital affairs. Silly break ups through texts, social networking sites etc. So now let’s say instead of “Love is Blind” its “Love is Kind” which switches in seconds and the best part is with no guilt factor. People consider it as a part & parcel of life & move on.

On enquiring about a cousin’s friend, he said she is FFB. Now that’s a new term!! It’s Friends For Benefit, who have no objection in being physical with you & simultaneously being your buddy. How pretentious one can be!

Till when will things move on like this? And till where? Where is it leading to? The existing race is leading to a dead end. The casualness is not something that escorts to a better climax either. Love, life, career, sex the whole lot has speeded up to such an extent where there is no looking back.
Such is life & we still love it more than anything else.

The Old age.

Finally, I have taken a good summer break & I am off from work mode. The problem which I am suffering from is a terrible intricate thing & I am unable to understand it. The reason why I am writing this is, just to know that whether I am the only disturbed case existing or there are other people who think same and it should be considered as a syndrome!

I know everything & still I don’t know what to do, if you show me something and ask my opinion, I won’t be able to comment it as a good or bad, a yes or a no. I have never been dependent but suddenly have started feeling dicey for any decision making, I’ll appreciate & criticize the same thing at the same time; I need a break in the midst of when I am doing nothing, I have zilch to look forward to, I prefer to shut up than revolt against anything., I use to write for local dailies when I was in college & today I feel hesitant to write for my own blog. Are all these things a contribution from Bhopal’s drowsy atmosphere or Mumbai’s shrill scenario? But the question is that few years back when I was in Bhopal, it was an extremely opposite case. I use to bloody get on to the nerves if there was anything wrong happening around; there was a different level of enthusiasm to experiment, an all together different zing towards life, a positive approach & tones of happiness filled satisfaction. Overall there was a loud me!!

When I think of these changes of underestimation or whatever you call it, I don’t have a particular reason to blame. I have the same attitude & the same confidence but what is missing is the specifications.I find myself random! I am unable to figure out whether its running from responsibilities or getting more acquainted to it...
The developing restricted nature is the different phase I am getting into or any sort of insecurity maturing with the age. Does that mean, I need to call myself a 24 years “OLD” ??

Gone are the days of considering people young by heart. Today when I see kids prematuring with their respective age, I find myself to be a part of the club, who has started comprehending the weight of their age rather than enjoying it. It was outrageous to see my cousin who is in the 7^th grade to spend his vacations in IIT children’s batch. Seeing this I feel a bit easy that I am bearing in mind myself old & feeling the pressure at a much later stage.

The sweet memories of my childhood & teenage are still secured within me & I think this phase of realism that I am getting into the old mode will bring me some hopefully better memories in future too.

The turning Train!

It’s been long that I haven’t posted anything. I have been really out of touch from the happenings around since the time I have taken up this reality show project. It’s been more than 6 months that I have been just running.  Running for work, to sleep, to party, to catch a train & so on. And I simply love to work my life in such a ruckus way for few months & then take a break.

It was yesterday morning that I & my dear friend Gunjan were again late for work.  11:06 am local to Andheri was the train we couldn’t afford to miss. While Gunjan’s building is closer to the station, I had to walk a bit.  The cobbler sitting down my building, the taxi drivers, a female beggar with her kid, everyone knew my timing to run with a sandwich in my hand & ear phones plugged in at a time when Radio Jockey’s in Fm stations sign off there shows & others  take their place with a few back to back songs to start with.
And in this scuttle half of the time I land up forgetting something, to which I announce to the whole area & my cook throws a charger, wallet etc from the second floor which I manage to catch, at times he runs down to serve me the glass of bournvita I purposely left.  I love this systematic but chaotic timing.

Like the regular days I was running & Gunjan called me to speed up as 2 minutes & the train will go. I managed to catch the train & we started looking for each other in the crowed as long lost lovers.  Suddenly we realized that everyone is baffled about the train’s destination, there was something wrong.  Gunjan as usual without being sure but with an expression full of confidence announced that she is sure it’s Andheri train. Few school kids blamed each other for taking the wrong train while others like us happily took their seat until clutched on to the not so familiar greenery outside. The train halted at a station we had never seen before. We decided to get down & along with us nearly the whole rush in the train got down. Seeing the organized station I could easily assume it was the first time that the station had witnessed such a huge crowed. Everyone was puzzled & no one had the correct information. We decided to take a train back from where we started.

Logically we are suppose to reach office daily by 10am types but that’s is when we leave our bed & reach before the boss arrives at 12pm. We had already given tones of excuses on special occasions & this was a rare to believe case, where the train only was wrong & not we!!  If you don’t believe ask all.

In the train, everyone was confused between the coincidence and the mistake, few were late for work while few kids missed there exams in this span of 45 minutes. I was cursing myself to be on time today. In reality we took a train prior to ours & due to just 2 minutes difference the recording was wrongly played and here we were left misguided with others.

Since the time we are passed out of college, the ground-breaking nature of ours was dead to fight on every other issue unlike now, since the time we have started working.  But the heat in the weather got that spark back again. We dashed into the station master’s office & Gunjan was at her best to fight the loudest she could in her mixed Hindi, English accent. First with the lady who gave up in a minute & then with the station master who tried & justified himself. I could totally understand his chuckling face over Gunjan’s anger. But I preferred pretending to favor my friend. When the conversation was leading nowhere, Gunjan asked for the complaint book & that is when the man behind the chaos showed his face. A poor short heighted guy walked in with apologies. He was the guy who controls the display & the recordings & played the wrong one by mistake this morning. Gunjan still didn’t gave up till the time I reminded her that we can’t miss the train again. As we turned back, we saw a rush of around 60-70 people who took the wrong train were there listening  the whole discussion.

It was an eccentric feeling for me to observe this incident because-
1. This was the first time when a train was wrong.
2. Out of the whole lot of people no one bothered to complaint.

Feels so much like an Indian.

Broken words

At times I look back and completely regret,
the pain I took, the pain I gave.

At times I look back and completely rejoice,
the promises I took, the decisions I made.

He was the strength, he made me move on
the guilt I had, the justifications I made.

I was born with the result in my mind,
though whatever I did, I never mined.

I enjoyed the memories of being a restricted kid
I hated too must trust & freedom imposed.

The dreams once saw, were never seen again,
The unexpected made me follow and bargain.
Was I wrong?
Frankly, I don’t know….

I followed the heart, which took me to this depth
I want to grow, but with the same pace.
I want to learn, but with the same mistakes,

The carry forward nature of your deeds,
makes me reserve my needs.

The call for lined up questions,
and those situationistic answers

Leading to a dead end
and may be a marginal equation.


…………………………………………………….

Journey to Italy

This was my first trip alone abroad, and especially to a country where I am not acquainted to their national language. New people to know, new culture to familiarize with, new food to taste, new places to see, it was over all a challenge indeed. All I had in mind is to explore!!

All this started from the huge Mumbai International airport, were I met the first stranger of my trip who was from Iran. Hmmm..I am bad in recalling names & especially of foreigners. Even he took a while to pronounce my long name.
As he visited India for the first time; he showed me few of his pictures in front of the Taj Hotel. He was a civil engineer by profession. We talked about the expensive cup of coffee he just got than, the ‘mehndi’ (temporary heena tattoo) on my hand, about my journey and so on.
I am sorry my general knowledge is pathetic and so when he was talking about the world map and few places, I seemed to be blank. In fact I had a different picture of Iran, juggling it with Iraq. Our conversation broke with the interruption of his friend, who seemed to be enquiring about the flight. And that is when I realized that I was sitting in the wrong lobby as per my flight, and so I left. It was an abrupt ending.

Getting seated to the right place, I gotta know that my flight was delayed. I was busy observing & listening other’s conversation that were entirely different in backgrounds from each other as I assumed.

Further just roaming about to check the luxurious duty free shopping area, coffee shops & eateries. The separation of business class & economic class was so clearly felt.

While checking in, all I prayed is for a good partner to chat for my long journey, but unfortunately the opposite happened. Nevertheless I reached Istanbul (Turkey), and went gaga seeing the airport. Although I was literally running to catch my continuing flight, which was about to take off. And on my way I met an old friend from Bhopal whom I last met in School. Coincidences happen.

Alright! This time my partners couldn’t speak or understand English, the news papers were too not in English and so being numb was the only alternative. I started feeling the place. The Wine & Pasta in the menu card added the flavor.

When I was about to reach, the map of that island from that height was so beautiful to observe.

On reaching Venice, I waited long for my luggage and that is when an Indian approached me. Frankly I was in no mood to talk. I actually wanted to help myself. So I left.

I saw my friends waiting for me and felt relaxed. I lodged a complaint about my lost luggage which I got back in a day.

Everything was fresh for me, the roads, the traffic, in fact even the pets there, which I found way civilized than here. To be more precise the outer picture of that place to me was blank, where I heard no honks, no kids crying, no dogs barking, no one yelling…..way to extreme peace for me!

As per my motive to learn, find, observe & adopt, there were many things to ponder over. The passion to follow your heart, the beauty of love and romance in air, the genuine matured commitments in a relationship & the depth which could be seen in youngster's knowledge as well as in a fit aged was simply incredible. The welcoming smile with an icing of politeness, erased the barrier of language.

And all this made me way too far guilty as a 23 year old adult.

Honestly I learnt to live.

Ganpati Visarjan

This was the first time, when I went for the Ganpati Visarjan at the lake in Bhopal.
The enjoyment, vibrant colors, thrilled people dancing & shouting slogans on the roads with great spirits was exciting to see.The religious mood in the environment was beautifully felt at night. Every age group was equally thrilled & involved with all sizes of Ganpati idols to be immersed in the small lake.

Last year in Mumbai, I couldn’t dare to step out of the house on this occasion.
But there were many jingles heard on radio, we made a documentary & several NGO’s were working to promote eco friendly Ganpati. Also with municipal corporation’s efforts artificial ponds were built for the immersion.

Everything till last year was bookish for me to pictureize the water pollution, may be because I never saw the procedure.
This year with comparatively less crowed on that spot (Swine flu being one reason) the garbage seen was insane. For a moment I lost that image of the beautiful Bhopal. With so much being advertised about the alternatives to celebrate this occasion, year after year it remains the same.I lost that charm of festivity seeing this scenario, were the Ganpati’s idol was thrown from a height.

It isn’t about anything else but respect. Respect for your culture & respect of your city.Unfortunately both of the important aspects were missing.

B.R.T.S.- a report